WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Although the volume has diminished so that we can now actually hear the commentators, sometimes even the fans, those blasted vuvuzelas are ruining the World Cup.  Worse, they are threatening to take over in every other sport - they had to specifically ban vuvuzelas from Wimbledon, in case some idiots decided it would be "fun" and "atmospheric".  Cricket and baseball are two more sports that have lately banned vuvuzelas from their stadia.

Quick recap of the vuvuzela:

1 - They are plastic trumpets invented by a manufacturing company in 2002; or, allegedly, by a guy who first made an aluminium one in the 60s made from an old bicycle horn.  Either way, they are not part of the traditional South African culture, just an excuse to make a quick Rand.

2 - It has a sound pressure of 120db, as loud as a 747 jet engine at take-off, and can lead to permanent hearing loss for unprotected ears after prolonged exposure.  Thought you were lucky to get a ticket to see one of the matches in South Africa?  I know a good hearing aid company...

3 - TV viewers were unable for the first round of matches to even hear the commentators; the commentators were even unable to hear each other.  Players could not hear their team-mates on the pitch, some felt disorientated and unable to concentrate; even the stadium announcer cannot be heard (imagine if they ever need to evacuate the stadium, nobody will hear the tannoy!)

4 - Demand for earplugs to protect from hearing loss outstripped supply; a vuvuzela manufacturer came to the rescue and began selling earplugs to spectators (a double whammy money-spinner, if ever I saw one).

5 -Their monotone sound drowns out all the atmosphere from the game, the ebb and flow of the fans cannot be heard, no more the traditional (for England) fans' band playing the theme from The Great Escape, I can only hope the Brasilian samba band can drown out the vuvuzela-wielding zombies.

Think I'm over-reacting?  Check out this guy:



Problems viewing?  Try here.

Should we tolerate self-abuse?

Nothing to do with self-harming, which is a dark topic about which I'm nowhere near knowledgeable enough to discuss.

Lately, I've seen a few comments, references, forum posts and status updates that seem to suggest that we should accept obesity, despite the fact it's more deadly than drug dependency or alcoholism. This trinity of substance abuse (food, drug, drink) has become so widespread as to almost seem normal - what was previously overweight is now the norm, people get away with drinking amounts that would've raised eyebrows not long ago, and certain drug use has become acceptable.

In my previous post on this topic, I referred to a statistic that food, drug and alcohol abuse account for 80% of the NHS's budget. Recently, I talked about this topic and was curious enough to find out how much that is:

The NHS budget last year was £110bn 
The number of tax payers in the UK is approx 29m
That's £3800 every year for each taxpayer towards food, drugs and alcohol abuse.

Next time you're asked to tolerate obesity, binge drinking or substance abuse, remember how much these people are costing every one of you £10 a day.

These people are wasting YOUR money!

Addendum - this doesn't include the cost of promoting good eating habits, policing, alcohol-fuelled criminal damage, thieving by drug users to fund their habit, etc.

James Martin (again)

Just thought you might like to read this article from the Telegraph, neatly summarising what an idiot James Martin really is and how his apology was just a PR anodyne. One bit stands out, quoting his moronic utterances:

“Without fail a cyclist will rap on my window and make some holier-than-thou comment, before zooming off­ through a red light where he knows I can’t get him.”

They only rap on windows with holier-than-thou statements when you’ve done something wrong. And what do you mean by “can’t get him” – what are you planning to do? Bearing in mind your other comments in the piece, this sounds like a threat.

Unfortunately, despite the venom his comments have attracted, there are motorists out there with this kind of mentality. They seem to be intent on causing deliberate harm, without realising how serious are the consequences. Sadly, the law are likely to let off such motorists with a paltry fine. That's if they're caught, that is.

Let's be careful out there!

Britain's attitude change

You may have heard the rants against a certain James Martin, Z-celebrity chef and anti-cyclist moron. If not, read this story first.

In a nutshell, he wrote in a national newspaper of his test-drive of a Tesla electric car (i.e., quiet); he had spotted a group of cyclists dressed in "fluorescent Spider-Man outfits, shades, bum bags and stupid cleated shoes. Twenty minutes into my test drive I pulled round a leafy bend, enjoying the bird song - and spotted those damned Spider-Man cyclists. Knowing they wouldn't hear me coming, I stepped on the gas, waited until the split-second before I overtook them, then gave them an almighty blast on the horn at the exact same time I passed them at speed. The look of sheer terror as they tottered into the hedge was the best thing I've ever seen in my rear-view mirror."

Until recently, this would have been the view of most of the country but, thanks to the efforts of British Cycling, the CTC, the London Mayor (bringing the Tour de France for last year's Grand Depart), other cycling organisations, as well as the success of British cyclists in track and road races, the backlash against James Martin was swift and merciless. A few choice responses on Twitter:

Robbie McEwen: "If you see smug chef James Martin either key his car or punch him in the face". He also urged anyone with computer skills to screw up Martin's website. Which someone almost did on Wikipedia; although it was taken down soon afterwards, someone posted a screen photo on Twitpic



But the best anti-Martin messages came from Bradley Wiggins:

"James Martin TV chef, The word cock springs to mind, stick to Ready Steady Twat mate"
"Meal suggestion for this Saturday Kitchen for James Martin, Spotted DICK!"
"Hey James Martin, How about COCK au vin this Saturday"

When he calmed down somewhat, Wiggo said that people like Martin should realise that cycling is fast becoming Britain's national sport. And he's not joking - aside from the sheer numbers of cyclists, it's also the one sport we're actually any good at on a regular basis! I'm looking for Wiggo to make the podium in next year's Tour de France and for a British maillot jaune in Paris in the next ten years.

PS - there's also a Facebook group in James Martin's (dis)honour!

One thing after another...

OK, so I've not posted for a while. It has been a strange old year, nothing like a bit of excitement to keep you on your toes, eh? After a relaxing three-week (cycling, of course) break in southern France, I came back home full of resolution to tackle my ever-lengthening to-do list.

I was really getting stuck into it, making good progress and enjoying the thrill (OK, so I'm weird) of crossing out yet another task to be completed, when the worst thing that could happen to a cyclist happened... I slipped off a set of stairs, landed badly and tore my ankle tendons and sprained the ligaments too.

It swelled up enough that my foot was unrecognisable as such; luckily, it's gone down enough for me to wear socks and shoes but now the bruising's come up and turned my foot into something that would make children cry. I'm still on crutches (well, one of them) although I can at least stand on both feet and walk with a limp.

The indications are that it'll take 6-8 weeks to recover and longer to rebuild full strength and mobility. So I guess I won't be running before December, then... but hopefully back on the bike soon.

I'm sure they make it up as they go along...

A while ago I opened a thread on Pedal-On about a blog I'd found that had me in hysterics but for all the wrong reasons. Today, I had reason to refer to it so I thought I'd put here my original post.

I came across this site while browsing other blogs. I'm not one to overly-criticise other people's technique unless clearly unsafe but this certainly caught my eye!

"Purpose: strengthening and toning the hamstrings, glutes, and butt. First, add a lot of tension on your bike. Then a bit more. This set is not about fast legs, but about form, technique, and isolation of the hammies/glutes/butt. (already looking suspect) Then rest on your forearms. (here we go...) Lean forward forward as far as possible and get into a comfortable position. (did he say comfortable???) Most of your weight should be supported by your forearms resting on the handlebars. (WHY?? Why do something so utterly stupid?)

Next, thrust your hips back as far as possible, “Like you have to go to the bathroom in the desert and you are afraid a snake might bite you.” Thrust ‘em back! Then, mentally, make sure you are landing on your toes. Lasly, lift your butt up as high as possible. “Moon the moon!” Your goal is to try and get your butt higher than your shoulders. Even if you cannot do this, aim for it. In sum, you are leaning forward, hips back, butt up. (WTF ?)

Focus on keeping that butt-up! It takes 30-45 secs to explain this (try a 2-hour lecture on biomechanics) to the class and to have everyone get into proper position. When they do, remind them to breathe slowly and deeply and to keep the butt up! Climb like this for 3-5 minutes. You should feel a bit of a pain (really?) behind each of your kneecaps which will slowly crawl up the hamstrings and settle in your lower butt. Pain is good! (only if you inflict it on someone else, I bet!) Halfway through the set, carefully have the class increase the tension. (so I presume they take one of their load-bearing arms off the handlebars to do this?) Remind them of maintaining proper form (hahahaha - unintentional irony!) — lean forward, hips back, butt above the shoulders. It is easy to get tired and sloppy with this set. When you are done, your bootie and hammies should feel like they have been thrashed… in a good way! "

You can see the replies on Pedal-On in the thread here.

I think I would truly want to hit him if he ever tried this in a class in which I was participating. Yet, people think he's "awesome" - perhaps meaning to say "awful"....

Normal service will resume shortly...

A combination of factors have kept me away for the past month but I will be back soon with a flood of posts about the Olympics, Lance's return to cycling, the myths about the credit crunch, and anything else I feel I need to share with you!

Since my last post, I've been taking a break in France... err... cycling! OK, so not much of a break but it was away from the volume of classes, irregular eating habits, lack of sleep, oh and the so-called summer in the UK. I think the sun is boycotting the UK for crimes against the environment!

When I got back, I got through ten Spinning classes in three days - that, and the shock of the 15c drop in temperature, I think were responsible for falling ill. Nothing serious but constantly dehydrated, headaches, dizzyness... all the signs of a bout of influenza but without the sniffles. Let this be a lesson on the woes of over-training: rest is as (if not more) important than exercise. Our bodies have a way of giving us a good kick if we ignore the signs of distress!

Once I had a break in my schedule, I managed to rest up enough to recover properly but that's when my internet connection slowed to a crawl... about 4kps, rather than 4Mbps! It was a good reminder of how slow dial-up used to be in the days before the internet caught on (approx 1995-96) and to realise how far we've come in just over ten years. Never really resolved why it was so but so long as it stays at this century's speeds, then I'm happy.

Touch wood, everything seems to be back to normal now - time to start catching up on all the things I put off while feeling sorry for myself.

Ciao for now!

Why did I quit my job?

I've been asked many times lately why I left my cushy 9-to-5 desk job in central government, especially given the perks the job entails: flexible working and hours, final salary pension, and no chance of ever losing my job unless I murdered my boss (even then, probably only if it happened on government premises!). I always believed that one of four things must be present to stay in a job: good money, good prospects, good working environment (location, people, etc.), good work. Government has never been a place to make money - unless you're a consultant - and prospects were minimal given budget cuts. The environment had been steadily getting worse and the work that I loved doing (protecting the international environment) had been taken away from me.

As I was looking around for options - transfer to another post, Department, job, even country - the opportunity to take voluntary redundancy came up. They offered me just under £30K to leave. I had calculated my basic spend including mortgage payments and, with the income I was getting from my regular Spinning classes, the money would be enough to last me another ten years. Well worth the risk, given I had ten years to get my fitness business profitable before having to get another job. So they showed me the money, I took it and left without turning back. Ultimately, the choice was about my state of mind... my happiness, if you will. That has no price, in my book - I'm just lucky I had the opportunity to make a break for it and to be in a position to afford it.

After I left, I saw this video - it touched all the right buttons, as it was exactly how I was feeling every day. If you have the opportunity, don't hesitate to make that change - a life not lived is worse than no life at all.


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The BadAss Wombles of Central Park!

Yo! Wombles in the 'hood!

I've just seen this campaign on this morning's BBC News and it's the best laugh I've had in ages.

The problem is that only 1% of new children's programmes are made in the UK and that naturally impacts onto our language and culture. As a way of illustrating this, PACT (the Producers Alliance for Cinema and Television) produced this gem to a launch their new campaign.


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The only thing I would add, to show how much our language has already been influenced by imported TV, is to correct Great Uncle Bulgaria - they're called "children", not "kids"!

And what IS a "fannypack"? Sounds like a box of Kotex/Allways Ultra...

I'd rather die than exercise!

Not me, I hasten to add, but only four in ten Britons would be motivated to do more exercise if their life depended on it, a poll has found. The British Heart Foundation (BHF) published the survey last week, as it launched a new television advert urging people to take more exercise. The charity's figures show that one person dies every 15 minutes as a result of physical inactivity. But increasing the heart rate for just 30 minutes a day can cut the risk of heart disease in half.

The survey of more than 2,000 adults found that 38% of people would be motivated do more exercise if their life depended on it. That leads me to think that 62% of the population would NOT do more exercise even if it guaranteed to save their life! This would go a long way to explain the apathy in Britain (and, presumably, the USA, as it's primarily an Anglo-Saxon problem) about obesity and the consequences on society.


I also found out last week that 80% of the NHS budget is spent on conditions directly related to food, drink or smoking. Considering the massive budget of the health service, imagine the amount of tax we'd save if people cared enough to take care of themselves. Think of that, next time you think obesity, excessive alcohol consumption and smoking don't affect you - these people cost you money!

As an additional bonus headline, the survey found that 8% of women said doing vigorous housework was their favourite form of exercise (what?), only 1% of men agreed (quelle surprise!). Mind you, who are these nutters? Housework is their FAVOURITE exercise? Sounds like some sort of fetish to me....

Back to the grindstone

Humph! I'm not happy. Don't get me wrong - France was absolutely fantastic. I even became confident enough to discuss politics and economics in French with the locals. Well, either confidence or the fact that my French became more fluent as I drank more vin rouge! Not as much cycling as I'd like to have done (more details in my next post) but it was a very productive and enjoyable fortnight, the weather mostly sunny and hot. The problem started as I crossed the English Channel and left Dover - the sky became grey, then it started raining and... well, I got back Saturday night and I haven't seen the sun since! I've had the central heating on, have been wearing a fleece-lined sailing jacket and have needed gloves when riding my Vespa. In August! Humph!

After two weeks of no TV, no news, no internet, no telephone, no contact with the outside other than what I learned from the locals, it's been downright depressing listening to the weasels that are politicians, news of children killing each other on the streets, our troops in Iraq not being supported properly, etc. On top of that, that inconvenience called work - I'd much rather be out on my bike for 7 hours a day!

Oh well, time to start planning my next holiday!

The Great British Summer?

Managed to get home just before the sky turned black and the mayhem began!

From BBC News: Freak storm batters south London

Parts of south London were hit by flash floods following a massive storm that swept across the South East. The storm broke out at about 1700 BST on Tuesday and lasted about 20 minutes. Eyewitnesses reported seeing the sky suddenly turn dark before the torrential downpour of rain and hailstones began. The weather caused travel chaos and delays for commuters as roads in south London struggled with the heavy rain.

Olivia Young was in Battersea when she saw the storm developing. "We had lots of thunder and then the hail began," she said. "They were really large pieces of hail the size of 20 pence pieces which tore through the sky, ripping leaves from the trees and flowers from plants. I have never seen anything like it."